Mara,
I have this problem with my sister-in-law. She’s kind of a bi***. Ever since she married my brother it’s like she’s a totally different person. She was super nice before they got hitched, then after she just became nasty, and would snap and say nasty sh** to me. I tried sayin somethin to my brother bout it but he just ignores me, shrugs, makes a dumb joke or changes the subject whatever. She can do no wrong. I’m about to snap at her fierce but don’t wanna cause more trouble than it’s worth. Do I grin and bear it for my brothers or do I speak up and say something? What would I say? – Laura
Dear Laura,
In-laws are never an easy topic. You want the best for your family, and sometimes their choice of partner can often leave us baffled. But that’s the thing, who they marry is their choice. If they married someone without knowing who they really were inside then they need to discover that for themselves. Their relationship and the journey with that person is theirs. Unless they come to you for help, or unless it’s a serious situation, it’s usually best to try and find a peaceful way to co-exist with clear communication.
If you dislike the way your sister-in-law treats you, then perhaps it might be best to try and talk to her about it directly. Find out if there is a reason for their behavior. Did something happen to make her change her tune towards you? Is it something you could address with her and find a solution for? Each time she treats you poorly, try to make a note of when, how and what was involved. Be straight up with yourself about your reactions as well to cover your bases. It’s always wise to check ourselves just in case, and be ready to listen to criticism from the other person too. I recommend taking down that record about three times, usually the more the better though. This way, when you confront her about it if she decides to say something like “When have I ever been rude to you?’ then you have at least three examples up your sleeve and have thought ahead. This tactic is a good way to avoid things like gaslighting or diversion just in case. You could always try writing down what you would like to say as well, even if you don’t read it to her, it will help align your mind with the situation with confidence and clarify your message.
Ensure you remain calm during the entire exchange. If emotions get too high, then walk away and come back when both parties are calm again. The more clear, calm and concise you are, the better. If you lash out with angry emotions then it may backfire on you, making everything harder in the long run. Perhaps you could try to remind her that you both love your brother, and need to find a way to co-exist peacefully. That way, it opens up the communication line for her to express where she needs to come from, as well as allowing you to do the same so there may be a chance at peace. If this fails, then you will at least both have a more accurate understanding of where you both stand, or perhaps may need to have a mediator help out. It will also show maturity and a willingness to make things work for the sake of your brother’s happiness. I hope this helps you Laura. Feel free to write in again to let me know if this was helpful.
